Monday, January 27, 2014
Older, But Not Old.
At 8:00 on Sunday evening, I turned on the television and with the mindset of someone going to a tedious, soulbreaking, underpaid job, I watched the Grammy Awards...until 8:02, when all of 40 seconds of Beyonce's "act" made me both angry and sick to my stomach.
Impatient and tired, I alternated between a 1600th showing of "Mean Girls" on the Showtime "Mean Girls" channel, a poorly played NBA game and, when my curiousity could no longer contain itself, back to the Grammy Awards wanting to see what Paul & Ringo had in store.
The random Grammy moments I stumbled upon were as follows:
•Pink and her Flying Wallenda act
•Ringo singing "Photograph" with Peter Frampton.
•Jamie "Your 15 Minutes Were Up 400 Minutes Ago" Foxx and his smug (read:terrible) English accent following Ringo.
•The last 30 seconds of Kacey Musgraves whistling.
•Julia Roberts introducing The Twotles
Grand total of minutes watched: 9
But the single most annoying bit of tid was LL Cool J's pronouncement:
"NOW! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER...ANYWHERE...KENDRICK LAMAR AND THE MAGIC DRAGONS!"
My jaw dropped so hard, my neighbor below banged back. Cool James delivered the intro with the type of enthusiasm one usually reserves for walks on the moon, crying holy icons in remote Greek villages or I don't know...rock royalty like The Beatles, The Who, and Bruce Springsteen.
"Who am I," I thought.
While I am not so naive as to think that this yearly spectacle is geared towards people my age or older, I do take offense when anyone refers to me and my friends as "old," as if that is the exact reason none of us find anything worthwhile with the current crop of "artists."
And the next person who uses either of the following phrases "Hey you, get off my lawn" or "Mr. Crankypants" when I say I don't like Robin Thicke, I'm going to slap you with a Kanye West 12".
Now, excuse me while I listen to "Rubber Soul" one more time.