Thursday, August 4, 2016

I'm Ok. No, Really.

I was born pissed off. I admit it. While I have no recollection of why I popped out angry, one can assume it was the tight living quarters, the heat and the stink. It'd be like nine months in a Manhattan studio apartment with no electricity, bad plumbing and a terribly small sleeping area. You'd pop out pissed off, too.

Things got better the minute I discovered that none of my toys made noise as pleasant as my grandfather's 45s. Throw some records on the floor and drop me in the middle and you can watch your damn television show or have company over. Take the records away, or tell me it's time for bed, and I become Regan MacNeil, screaming and kicking violently, without the pea soup puke. It was an amazing transformation, a killer circus trick. Take the record? Screams. Give it back? Smiles.

I haven't changed, though it seems I am angry most of the time these days. One friend likes to remind me, "You want answers! You always want answers! And sometimes, there aren't any." I argue that. I believe there are answers, it's just sometimes, people refuse to supply those answers. That makes sense to me.  I am not a happy person when things don't make sense.

This year, quite frankly, has sucked balls. And while I believe we are responsible for our own destiny, every once in a while, someone will make a cameo, like a classic Bob Hope, Tonight Show walk-on and help things along. Lately, things in my life haven't made sense. That same friend tells me, "Just get beyond it. Stop relentlessly going over everything!" If things made sense, I would. But when I add 2+2 and get 5, I know I won't sleep until I go over it, again and again and again. When 2 + 2 = 4, I move on. Lately, it's all 2 + 2 = 5.

I believe the cartoon below is an accurate portrayal of exactly what I feel like most of the time.

I'll be encouraged to apologize, and it will get rejected. I am encouraged to give an opinion, and then I am punished for that opinion. I move on, and others don't. I'll watch my temper and tone down my sarcasm, and I am handed anger and sarcasm in return. I am self-deprecating, and it's portrayed as weak. I am encouraged to reach out and the football is pulled away. "Oh, poor you." No. Poor everyone.

The one thing I have always done is take responsibility for my actions. I recognize when I am not the brightest bulb in the room, and I am the first to say so. I shut up and listen. I recognize my flaws and recite them daily, like a mantra. But when none of this seems to work, I can also recognize, with the help of great friends, that it just might not be my problem anymore.

Burning Wood will be 9 years old next month and for 9 years I have discussed music almost exclusively. Allow me please, this one time, to make it about something else.

There is a lot of anger in this country. And the worst thing we can do for this country, is misdirect our anger. A good portion of this country is drunk on anger and there is not a soul with a working brain, who would argue that drunk people make better decisions than those who are sober. We are headed for the dark ages. As an American citizen, your right is to vote for anyone you'd like. But please, have your vote make sense. Do some reading, other than headlines and memes. Have your vote make sense. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, "Why do I love my country? What does my country stand for?" Do the math. Remember, 2 + 2 = 4. Don't vote angry. Vote sensibly. And for the love of Mike, if your record is skipping, try a different record. Broken records are annoying. (I am taking that advice, too.)

As for everyday life, well...good luck with that. Remember, there are always others involved.


buzzbabyjesus said...

One of many reasons we like you and Burning Wood is that you're real.

I was very passionate about my first choice, but he didn't win, so now I'm with her because fascism isn't an option.

No anger here. No time for that.

itsok2beright said...

Ok, maybe this will help.

Also, when adding decibels, 2 dB + 2 dB = 5 dB. So, it can happen.

ASH Inner Circle said...

Great post Sal!

I saw your pissed off little one photo on Facebook and it made me burst out laughing. No mean feat these days.

Ken D said...

Sadly it appears that many of our fellow Americans have had it with 'sense' and want to try 'stupid' for a change.
Hang in there, Sal. Keep playing those 45s...

Michael Giltz said...

I would say it's been worth it all just to see those adorable childhood photos. It has not, but they are indeed adorable. Any lost readers will be a small price to pay for speaking out at a moment when everyone should speak out for sanity and civility. Rock on.

Dr Wu said...

'When people show you who they are, believe them.' - Maya Angelou

Marie said...

I have a frequent tendency to express my annoyance/exasperation on my blog, though for more trivial reasons. Every few months I have a major rant about the ratio of downloads to comments before (temporarily) slamming the doors shut on the self-serving marauders!

There are so many things that I admire (and envy) about your blog - chief among them is the honesty of your opinions, your ability to express your thoughtful views so articulately and your willingness to "put yourself out there".

In this age of madness, it's hard to avoid becoming discouraged and depressed by the stupidity of so many. I'd just like you to know that you're not alone and that your writings here on your blog do resonate with many of your readers.

All the best!

dogbreath said...

The blog wouldn't be what it is without the occasional outburst of honest to goodness anger or frustration - and I mean that in a good way! Nothing wrong with venting one's spleen in writing from time to time and it does bring a wry smile of acknowledgement from me too. And like you too, perhaps, music does indeed soothe the troubled brow. Although we don't have a lot to shout about on this side of the Atlantic, every time I see your election candidates on the box I just laugh. And laugh. And laugh. (Sorry about that).

jef said...

Thank you Sal!

stivseed said...

Yes, thank you for that, Sal. It`s good to know I`m not the only one out here....