It's going to be slim pickens as we get through the holidays, so I thought I'd retrieve a few more choice reviews from the past, that will hopefully get you laughing a bit.
All of these come from actual newsletters sent to subscribers in the years 2006 and 2007. Aside from the cheap shots and, excuse me for saying so, often hilarious comments, these brief reviews are pretty damn telling. It's no wonder music retail basically disappeared during this time. Look at what we were given to sell.
Enjoy.
BADLY DRAWN BOY - BORN IN THE UK (LIMITED EDITION).
For those of you who already shelled out the $15 two weeks ago, we now
present the same record with a bonus DVD that features documentary
footage, behind-the-scenes footage, customer-ripoff footage, and
one-more-nail-in-the-coffin-of
BARRY MANILOW - GREATEST SONGS OF THE SIXTIES. Barry's take on such classics as "Purple Haze," "Astronomy Domine," and "Snoopy Vs. The Red Baron."
AARON COMESS - CATSKILLS CRY. Debut solo record from the drummer of the Spin Doctors. Also out this week: the solo debut from the triangle player in Rusted Root, the solo release from the guy who did the artwork for the second Maggie's Dream CD, and the solo lute album from the guy who used to play bass in the Police. Oh wait, that one's out already....
MICHAEL BOLTON - "BOLTON SWINGS SINATRA." No, no he doesn't. He couldn't swing a dead cat if you handed it to him tail first.
AIMEE MANN - ONE MORE DRIFTER IN THE SNOW. Miss Scrooge makes a holiday record. Break out the egg nog and the rat poison.
BELINDA CARLISLE - VOILA.
A limited edition 2 CD set is Carlisle's first new album in a decade,
and her first sung entirely in French. The repertoire consists of songs
from the '40s, '50s and '60s, which coincidentally are the ages of her
remaining fans. (Please write in for uncensored alternate punchlines!)
Includes the bonus tracks "We Got Le Beat," "Heaven Is A Place On Le
Earth," and "Our Leep Are Zeal'."
MEAT LOAF - BAT OUT OF HELL III.
Seriously, enough is enough. The first album is an undisputed
classic, but since when were records supposed to have sequels?
Although, tell that to the three million people who bought "Bat Out Of
Hell II" in '93, all of whom apparently sold it back to NYCD shortly
thereafter. And while you're at it, tell 'em that Mr. Loaf did six
albums in between Bat and Bat II.
ZERO 7 - "GARDEN."
You've heard them in boutiques and restaurants worldwide -- now hear
them in your home. Featuring layers of synthetic soothing beats and
upbeat rhythms, all held together by the most minute thread of a melody.
Sure to not offend anyone!
DEAN & BRITTA - BACK NUMBERS.
Half of Luna ("Mezzaluna" for you Italians out there) record a
sophomore record that picks up where their debut left off. Where was
that, actually?
THE WHO - ENDLESS WIRE (CD/DVD combo). Thankfully no longer called "Who 2," Pete and Rog release their first studio album in 25 years, which is how long it took people to forget how bad It's Hard was.
2-BONE BURNETT!
TRUE FALSE IDENTITY is
the first release of all new material from the producer extraordinare
in 14 years, sounding a little like a Rain Dogs-era Tom Waits meets Hank
Williams. This release is a welcome return from Mr. Burnett. Oh
brother, where were thou? And TWENTY TWENTY is a 2 CD, 40 track retrospective, including rarities, lyrics, and previously unreleased tracks.
Your Friends,
Franken & Halle Berry
7 comments:
Thanks for the jokes. They help on a Monday. That was a truly dire time for new releases.
"how long it took people to forget how bad It's Hard was"
While It's Hard is definitely a stinker, it is downright rosy compared to The Endless Wire.
- Paul in DK
"While It's Hard is definitely a stinker, it is downright rosy compared to The Endless Wire."
You got that right, Paul.
Keep 'em comin'!
Is the Barry Manilow a real record or fictitious?
hpunch,
Real record, but we chose the songs.
LMTJAB!!!!! (LAUGHING MORE THAN JUST A BIT!!!!!)
Another Aimee Mann gem!
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