Thursday, May 14, 2015

Real Scenes From A Record Fair: Part 3

Long time, pain in the ass Kinks collector approaches table.

Me: (under my breath) Oh no.

KC: Hey. What's up? Got any Kinks?

Me: (playing along) A couple of things. There's a really nice original "Something Else" in there.

KC: I have it.

Me: Of course, you do. You have everything. You're a Kinks collector. Why do you always ask when you know there's nothing you need?

Stares blankly into my eyes.

KC: Do you have The Rascals "Once Upon A Dream?"

Me: (excited) YES! A beautiful MONO copy, $5.00!

KC: I only need the booklet. Would you sell me just the booklet?

Me: (stunned) What? No! You kidding?

KC: But I have it. I only need the booklet. I lost the booklet.

Me: It's $5.00!

KC: (confused) Do you trade?

Me: (surrendering) Sure.

KC: I didn't bring anything. You won't sell me the booklet?

Me: I'll tell you what, buy the record for $4, I'll knock a buck off and you can have the booklet for free.

I do believe I caused a short of some kind, as he just stood in silence, eyes rolling like a slot machine. Finally...

KC: I'll come back.



KC: I need these two, but I think I have this one.

Me: Well, I'm packing up.

KC: I want these two. Can you hold them?

Me: I'm leaving. The show is over.

KC: But I don't remember if I have this one.

Me: Give me two dollars. Take all three. If you have that one, throw it out.

KC: (smoke coming out of ears) But I may have this one.

I'm pretty sure he is still standing there, holding three Joe Jackson 45s. Did not buy The Rascals.


Gene Oberto said...

Just one question...when you go to these shows, does your head have a tendency to spin around like Linda Blair's in the "Exorcist?"

William Repsher said...

In your mind, which was/is worse: the customers you dealt with in your retail store for years, or record-fair customers?

Or are record-fair customers an ongoing subset of the overall nudnick customers you had already dealt with in your retail store days?

buzzbabyjesus said...


Anonymous said...

Hello, please remain seated,

What Gene said.

Well,maybe the question should be: just how much liquor is required to get through a show?

Love these posts....


Sal Nunziato said...

I have far more patience with record fair customers than my store customers. My store customers had UWS money and they would constantly make me sweat for a buck, often coming in and showing me what they bought at Tower for a dollar or two less, completely insensitive to all else I had to offer. By the end, no one was safe from my wrath .

Troy said...

I'm picturing a guy with a befuddled look on his face like Chevy Chase had when playing Gerald Ford on the old SNLs. "I was told there would be no math"...

dogbreath said...

I suspect you must have a masochistic streak to endure these incidents but the humour you wring from them has me in stitches. I'm loving this serialization complete with appropriate musical accompaniment. Brilliant!

steves said...

I just want to echo what dogbreath said above. This is one of the finest comedy series going. Looks like your aggravation is our LOLs. Thanks, Sal!

Ken D said...

I was one of your UWS customers but I don't recall any wrath. As I remember it, I'd come in, browse a while, pick out a few things, pay whatever the stickers said the price was, and left happy. Then again, I was a bargain bin shopper—looking more for the cut-outs than the collectibles... I guess not really wrath-worthy, huh?

But now you tell me I might've saved a buck or two at Tower!

hpunch said...

I'm ashamed to be a fellow KInks collector.
But thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

a fiscal conservative no doubt…

he'll be living with 5 cats long after us


Season 1, Episode 24 Please Leave the Premises

Ralph refuses to pay a rent increase of $5 a month and, to avoid eviction, barricades himself, Alice and Norton in the apartment.


ASWAN said...

So you have recently posted engagements with customers/lookers that are a little challenging. What about the encounters with customers/lookers who make your day! I have been in retail (now Big Box, used to be music) and I could always give examples of challenging customers because they are the ones who make your "blood boil" but what about the customer who "loves" that you have something and snatches it right up? Or the conversation with the "looker" who leads you to another band that you never knew existed? Easy to be hard on people, Hard to be easy on people...

Sal Nunziato said...

Hey easy ASWAN, don't be so hard on me.