For The Record #4: Rolling Stones Half-Speed Masters

In June of 2018, the Rolling Stones released a gargantuan boxed set with the somewhat clumsy title, "Studio Albums Vinyl Collection 1971-2016." Here's what "they" said about it:

‘The Studio Albums Vinyl Collection 1971-2016’ presents this monumental era in rock’n’roll history in a highly bespoke, lenticular mounted, limited edition box-set housing the 15 studio albums from Sticky Fingers through to Blue & Lonesome in faithful and intricate original packaging replications. Every album has been lovingly remastered and cut at revelatory half-speed at Abbey Road Studios, from vinyl specific original tape transfers designed to get the very best possibly sound from the format. Each album is pressed on heavyweight 180-gram black vinyl and includes a download card for HD digital redemption of the catalogue and includes a numbered certificate of authentication.

Cut at half speed, these are among the highest quality vinyl pressings that these classic Rolling Stones albums will have ever received. Half speed mastering and pressed to a very high standard ensures top notch sound quality for the listener.

Special care has been taken to create packaging to the same high standards, with detailed artwork reproduction for each album including ‘Some Girls’, which comes housed in the replica design including 20 cut-outs on the cover, while the sleeve of ‘Sticky Fingers’ is presented as Andy Warhol’s original design, complete with a working zip with a hidden image underneath and ‘Exile On Main Street’ comes with a set of 12 original postcard inserts."

I might have fallen hook, line and idiot for it, had the retail price not been the equivalent of a Shetland pony. And though I have gone on the record a number of times, expressing my displeasure with most of the band's output post "Steel Wheels," as both a record collector and fan of the Stones, there was something appealing about finally owning nice, shiny vinyl copies of the heretofore impossible to find later titles like "Bridges To Babylon" and "A Bigger Bang," not to mention the sonic upgrade of the earlier essentials from "Sticky Fingers" through "Some Girls."

Still, I showed great restraint and passed on the box, assuming, in typical label fashion, that once all the shnooks shelled out for this monster, the powers that be would release the titles individually, at a much more affordable price, thus relieving the cheapskates from having to purchase the unwanted titles.

CUT TO: July, 2020

The Rolling Stones have just released all of the half-speed masters from the boxed set, most of which retail for a little under $20, with double LPs, fetching somewhere in the $35 range.

What'd I tell ya?

I took a dive and grabbed two of my favorite Stones albums, the criminally underrated "It's Only Rock 'N' Roll" and "Black and Blue," as well as "Bridges To Babylon," a record that quite honestly, I remembered exactly two things about---k.d. lang had something to do with it and I loved the sound of "Might As Well Get Juiced." I figured, let's test the half-speed mastering on two albums that could use an upgrade, and get an album that might as well be a new Stones record to my ears.

THE VERDICT

I took "Bridges To Babylon" out for a spin first and this sucker blew me away. It truly is one of the most perfect sounding records I have heard. Crisp, full of body, a real powerhouse of sound. Honestly, when Side Four was over, I was in love with "Bridges To Babylon." Was this record always this good? Have I convinced myself that this record was this good because I loved the sound and package? Whatever! Mission accomplished, Interscope Records.

Next up, "Black And Blue." I carefully slice through the shrinkwrap and pull out a...LYRIC SHEET? Where is my faithfully replicated inner with the studio tracking information? A lyric sheet? Did I need to read, "Melody, it was her second name" over and over and over? This is not good. No, no.
Still, it's open. Might as well give it a spin.

Nice! That opening snare smack of "Hot Stuff" and I was sold. The record sounds better than ever. But, replacing the original inner in a package that boasts "faithfully replicated artwork" with artwork that never existed is a crime. Why not replace "Hey Negrita" with...well...anything?

Still at this point, I am so chuffed with the sonics, I jump for another $18 and get "Some Girls" before I bother to unwrap "IORR." As I wait for "Some Girls" to arrive, it's time to visit "IORR." Slice, open, BOOM. Original hard custom inner, just like I pictured it, and the record sounds fantastic. I guess these geniuses over at Abbey Road know what they're doing, though it is a bit odd that nowhere on any of these three records does it say "Abbey Road Studios." The hype stickers all simply say, "Half Speed Mastered." Abbey Road info is in the deadwax.

CUT TO: A few days later.

In short, "Some Girls" sounds like crap. What the hell happened? The life has been sucked out of this amazing record. It's been cleaned up, vacuumed of all its essential filth and fury. And the damn cover has NOT been "faithfully replicated." It's not diecut. It's flat, like the sound. I've gone from chuffed to crushed in less than 72 hours.

Could it be that only the LPs found in the box were faithfully replicated? I guess that's possible. But these individual titles are not being sold as "budget" reissues, so it seems a bit careless to roll out a new project by a brand as huge as Jagger/Richards with such inconsistency. Though, they did allow Don Was to make "Blue & Lonesome" sound like Whitesnake. speaking of careless.

With 11 titles to go, I decide to abandon this whole project. It's not worth my time, and especially not worth spending what is likely my 300th dollar on yet another version of "Exile On Main Street" since 1972, for what should more accurately be boasting "Half-Assed" reissues as opposed to "Half-Speed" masters.

Your mileage may vary, of course.

Good news?

I no longer hate "Bridges To Babylon."